Bulaga!

Minutes ago, in a local restaurant in Bonifacio, I saw my ex. Technically, I did not “meet” him, because I could see him from afar, and he did not notice me anyway because I looked haggard and gusgusin.

Ayun, he was still the old charm. He looked healthier, by the way, and also fair-looking. He was conversing with another person, and he looked serious. The other guy seemed straight to me. His client, perhaps. I had to hurry up eating because I did not want to see him and I was dining near the entrance area. I fled.

Two years ago, a day before the classes resume in January, we met in KFC, SM City. He was with another person and he greeted me “Mak! Happy new year!” Of course I wasn’t happy seeing him. That man who had to clutch his new boytoy just to greet me in my solitary dinner, well, it didn’t sound so happy-new-year-ish at all.

We met again sometime in the middle of the year. I think he was holding his credit card, as he was shopping, or whatever card that was. I always had the “bulaga” feeling whenever we meet. It’s as if the God has always intended it to be shocking on my part, like what just happened tonight where I didn’t even bother to look in the mirror before going out. So unglamorous.

Amongst Filipinos, there is a belief that the moment a couple breaks up, it becomes a competition. We ask the question – who will move on first? And usually, the yardstick of moving on, as far as I have observed, is when the other half finds another boyfriend or girlfriend. Kung wala ka pang syota, talo ka.

If we follow that line of thinking, I already lost the game. Five years have passed and I’m still single. The other guy? Well, he had plenty after me. I have seen his facebook status change like the phases of the moon – single, in a relationship, and back and forth. Minsan pa nga, engaged or married. Ewan.

I don’t mind losing a game of Filipino idiosyncrasy at all. If they say I’m a loser, okay I can deal with that. He may get another dozen boyfriends and I can still remain single for a century, but that doesn’t mean I still have not moved on, or he has moved on. Don’t ask me why I’m still single, that’s the topic of another blog post. LOL.

But sincerely, I’m happy for him. He looked happier than before. I must say he’d gone a long way. I think he got promoted and moved to Manila, but now he’s in Davao again. He deserves the best.

As for me, I’m happy with being alone. I have been in a relationship with myself for 22 years, and I still have not figured this relationship out entirely. If I’m really ready for something else, I had to be secure with who I am.

But please Lord, next time naman, wag masyadong pa-shocking ha? So that when I meet my ex again, he’d think I’ve never been happier ever since him. 🙂

Missing joy rides

I can’t seem to write anything decently exciting. It comes with age, maybe.

When I was a bit younger, sparkle sprawl around my blog posts. College days. Those were the days – random flirtations, alcohol and nicotine on a school night, and everything morally-depraved. I was living my teenage dream. I was having my joy ride.

Next thing, law school happened. When I was studying legal ethics last year, my perspective changed. There are a lot of restrictions that come from being a member of the bar. Good moral character is not just a condition sine qua non, it is a continuing requirement.

It dawned to me, the teenage joy ride has already come to a halt. It’s time to be a grown-up.

But do not expect too much. Change does not happen overnight. I will get there someday. Compare a mango that ripens in the nature’s ways and the one chemically induced. The former tastes better than the latter. Corollarily, when I grow up, I don’t want to regret that I came there too early.

I still long for a night-out where I could sip a drink and dance with friends, or some discreet one night stand. I didn’t say growing up means doing away with every trace of fun. It is normal to take a breather and unwind after a long week. There is but a limitation, it should all be in moderation.

For now, I am quite contended with just having coffee or dinner and sharing a laugh. Anent maturity, life’s joys should be simpler and less complicated. As Jessie J says, it is not about price tag. Or as JoJo puts it, we don’t have to go nowhere (baby it’s you).

This should be fun, for now – waiting for law school to change me and reaping the sown later on. Let’s see. 🙂

Rage against the dying of the light

Ahh, death and all his friends. They come by so soon when all the fun of life has just begun. I am not going to write about death, trauma and moving on. But I recalled a poem that reminds us to fight it everyday and choose life. Like the day, foretelling in the rising of the moon, we should rage against the dying of the light. What beauty, this poem is. 🙂

DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT
Dylan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rage at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Suprise!

I was studying for admin exam, and my brain’s on serotonin hiatus. Gladly, I found this hilarious video of a man impersonating Saturday Night Live’s Sue. It made my night.

Post-birthday suprise

Okay, so we had Credit Transactions exam today. Drainer. Yesterday was beeday, so I thought all the hype was over. But then again, my friends were fond of surprise. And yes, I expected this. Hahaha.

Indeed, it was a happy happy birthday! 🙂